| ....The Senility Prayer: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and eyesight to tell the difference. Thanks to Father Len and others for supplying these jokes. |
| .....Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing! |
| Father Len's Laughing Corner |
A Jesuit, a Dominican, and a Trappist were marooned on
a desert island. They found a magic lamp, and after some discussion
decided to rub it. Lo and behold, a genie appeared and offered them
three wishes. They decided it was only fair that they could each have
one wish. The Jezzie said he wanted to teach at the world's most
famous university, and poof, he was gone! The Dominican wished to
preach in the world's largest church, and poof, he was gone! Then the
Trappist said, "Gee, I already got my wish!"
a desert island. They found a magic lamp, and after some discussion
decided to rub it. Lo and behold, a genie appeared and offered them
three wishes. They decided it was only fair that they could each have
one wish. The Jezzie said he wanted to teach at the world's most
famous university, and poof, he was gone! The Dominican wished to
preach in the world's largest church, and poof, he was gone! Then the
Trappist said, "Gee, I already got my wish!"
| Today's Featured Joke |
 | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  |
The Confession Session
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on
his sessions. The new priest hears several confessions, then the old priest asks him to step
out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand."
The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and
I understand, how did you feel about that?"
The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think
that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, 'No way! What happened next?'"
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on
his sessions. The new priest hears several confessions, then the old priest asks him to step
out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand."
The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and
I understand, how did you feel about that?"
The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think
that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, 'No way! What happened next?'"
A man walks into a monastery and says “I want to be
monk.”
The abbot replies “Great! But you realize we are not allowed to talk
except every ten years.”
The man replies “Fine.”
Ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot’s office. The abbot
asks, “Well my son what have you to say?"
The man replies “Bed’s hard.”
The abbot remarks, “Is that it?”
The man says, “Yes”.
Another ten years go by and
the man goes into the abbot’s office
and says, “Food stinks!”
The abbot asks, “Is that it?”
And the man says “Yes.”
Another ten years goes by and the man goes into the abbot’s office
and says “Water’s cold. I quit!”
And the abbot replies, “Figures! You’ve been complaining ever
since you got here!"
monk.”
The abbot replies “Great! But you realize we are not allowed to talk
except every ten years.”
The man replies “Fine.”
Ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot’s office. The abbot
asks, “Well my son what have you to say?"
The man replies “Bed’s hard.”
The abbot remarks, “Is that it?”
The man says, “Yes”.
Another ten years go by and
the man goes into the abbot’s office
and says, “Food stinks!”
The abbot asks, “Is that it?”
And the man says “Yes.”
Another ten years goes by and the man goes into the abbot’s office
and says “Water’s cold. I quit!”
And the abbot replies, “Figures! You’ve been complaining ever
since you got here!"
| Web Site Designed & Copyrighted 2008 By Robert Frederico Internet Scripture & Savior Catholic Radio Ministries All Rights Reserved |
|
Search this site
or
the web
powered by FreeFind |
|
|
| Have a good clean joke to share? Send it to RobertFrdrc@yahoo.com. Let Me Know If You Want Your First Name and Last Name Initial Posted. God Bless!!! Robert Frederico / Founder Director / Internet Scripture.com and Savior Catholic Radio.com ministries |
CHURCH BELLS
A minister was walking to church one morning when he passed
one of his members working in his garden. "Can't you hear those
bells calling you to church?" asked the minister.
"Eh, what's that?" said the member.
"Can't you hear those bells calling you to church?"
"I'm afraid you'll have to speak a little louder!" said the member.
"CAN'T YOU HEAR THOSE BELLS CALLING YOU TO
CHURCH?!" shouted the minister.
"I'm sorry," said the member, "I can't hear you because of those
darned BELLS!"
Three Friends Go to Heaven
After dying in a car crash, three friends go to
Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same
question: "When you are in your casket, and friends
and family are mourning over you, what would you like
to hear them say about you?"
The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to
hear them say that I was one of the great doctors of
my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was
a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a
huge difference in the children of tomorrow."
The last guy thinks a minute and replies, "I guess
I'd like to hear them say, 'Look, he's moving!"
Author is Unknown
After dying in a car crash, three friends go to
Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same
question: "When you are in your casket, and friends
and family are mourning over you, what would you like
to hear them say about you?"
The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to
hear them say that I was one of the great doctors of
my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was
a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a
huge difference in the children of tomorrow."
The last guy thinks a minute and replies, "I guess
I'd like to hear them say, 'Look, he's moving!"
Author is Unknown
Adam Strays
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve
became upset. "You're running around with other
women," she told her mate.
"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam
responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be
awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his
darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve
became upset. "You're running around with other
women," she told her mate.
"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam
responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be
awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his
darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.
In God's Time
A man is talking to God.
The man asks God how much a million years is to him
God says that it's a second.
Then he asks how much a million dollars is to him God
says it's a penny.
So the man asked, "God can I have a penny?"
And God replied, "Just a second."
Author is Unknown
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and
Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first
pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have
the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be
Jesus!"
Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first
pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have
the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be
Jesus!"
Afraid of the Dark
A little boy was afraid of the dark.
One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her
the broom.
The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out
there. It's dark."
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of
the dark,"
she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's
out there?"
"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when
you need him," she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back
door and cracked it a little.
Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would
you please hand me the broom?"
A little boy was afraid of the dark.
One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her
the broom.
The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out
there. It's dark."
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of
the dark,"
she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's
out there?"
"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when
you need him," she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back
door and cracked it a little.
Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would
you please hand me the broom?"
Which Way to Heaven?
Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry
when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon.
Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the
post office was.
When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and
said,
"If you'll come to the Baptist Church this evening, you can
hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven."
The boy replied, "I don't think I'll be there... You don't even
know your way to the post office."
Author is Unknown
Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry
when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon.
Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the
post office was.
When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and
said,
"If you'll come to the Baptist Church this evening, you can
hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven."
The boy replied, "I don't think I'll be there... You don't even
know your way to the post office."
Author is Unknown
Out Of Gas
A nun who works for a local home health care agency was out making her
rounds when she ran out of
gas. As luck would have it there was a station just down the street. She walked
to the station to borrow
a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.
The attendant regretfully told her that the only can he owned had just been
loaned out, but if she would
care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly.
Since the nun was on the way to see a patient she decided not to wait and
walked back to her car. After
looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she
spotted a bedpan she
was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it
with gasoline, and
carried it back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car two men walked by. One of
them turned to the other
and said: "Now that is what I call faith!"
Author is Unknown
A nun who works for a local home health care agency was out making her
rounds when she ran out of
gas. As luck would have it there was a station just down the street. She walked
to the station to borrow
a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.
The attendant regretfully told her that the only can he owned had just been
loaned out, but if she would
care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly.
Since the nun was on the way to see a patient she decided not to wait and
walked back to her car. After
looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she
spotted a bedpan she
was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it
with gasoline, and
carried it back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car two men walked by. One of
them turned to the other
and said: "Now that is what I call faith!"
Author is Unknown